Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that having money would cause difficulties. Here we are 11 months after adoption (yes, I know we have a lot to fill in on) and our newest challenge is how to explain to our now 6 year old what it is like to have and to share.
My kids are good and kind. For years now they understand that sharing our abundance is good. What they don't seem to understand is why we don't always take when offered. The average household income here is around $24,000. Our household has been fortunate and we are four, if not five times that. Yes, my kid does have a hole in the elbow of today's chosen shirt. Our responsibility is to manage our resources well so that when the kids grow up they are on a path to sufficiency. When we adopted we did pursue and receive subsidy. We call it child support from the state. If life continues on the current path all of this will be saved for after the kids finish college. If the path changes we have savings for emergencies and crisis.
At this point, one may wonder, how is money causing you difficulties? It is the poverty world around us. You see, even though we have great income we spend frugally. There is a great bakery outlet nearby, my car is 17 years old (it has become a game of sorts for me to see how long I can drive it), and lots of toys and clothes come from the thrift store. My kids don't understand then why we don't take the free stuff offered (thrown) at us at all times. Both schools give all the kids free lunch and breakfast and I understand, and I while at pre-school I am not allowed to send food we do take advantage of the free food at kindergarten because we want to be just like the other kids. From that point on the line has to be drawn. A big conversation happened last Friday when my big was sent home from school with a backpack full of food. Her eyes showed incredible disappointment when I told her we would return it on Monday. When we went to dance class and the instructor told our family to take lots of apples and a bag of potatoes the kids really wanted the bag of potatoes. They don't understand that we should be the ones giving the potatoes, not taking the potatoes. Christmas was the worst. All the fliers coming home inviting us to register here there and everywhere for free gifts. We skipped parties that "every child guaranteed a gift" as we don't need that support. We bought the giant Disney Lego castle, I would be embarrassed to take items away from children in need.
How do families break out of poverty when living in poverty is what they were taught? A free cell phone because you have public health insurance?
We teach a lot about sharing our abundance. That shirt with the hole in the elbow, we keep that one because it isn't nice enough to give away and we understand that when something is too small or not played with if it is in great condition we need to give it to someone else. The kids know the rule that if you see someone at the foster closet (we volunteer often) we aren't allowed to talk about it at school unless the other kid brings it up first. Being from foster care isn't an issue for our kids, but the others may be sensitive.
Teaching a kid that "no you can't have because you have already" is an incredibly difficult thing to do. You always know when someone else has something nicer or bigger than you do, but how do you tell a kid that their friend has a smaller or not as nice as you do? It isn't like I can't take my kids for a ride through and show them that other kids have crap situations. Take this home for example, do a google map time shift and see what it looked like in 2008 and in 2015. That is reality around here and it is only 3 minutes away. Yes, your friend may be sporting Nike and dressing with new clothes, but when you come home you have a warm bed, plenty of food, and security.
I know that my pre-schooler is only one of two kids in the class that doesn't live in poverty. We are probably the most thrift store dressed. The cycle is going to continue for so many of these kids. How do you learn to live within your means? Learning to provide for yourself? Learning to take what you need and work for what you want is difficult in the best of situations.
For now, we are going to stop bringing home all the free stuff. Learning to keep our hands off the free snacks that you really aren't hungry for right now. Not taking home the giant bag of free cereal (the 4 year old was obsessed with a bag of cereal for a week) and really working on giving more that we receive.
