Carving out the time

Rabbit here... I am on Squirrel's computer and don't remember my log in, so I'm just using her computer.

Normal day today.  Only unique thing was that Squirrel got to experience the full turd in the tub tonight.  Bug has been refusing to poop at school so not too surprised, but we will probably do "speed baths" when we have not pooped at school.  I would much rather clean a diaper than a tub.

A friend asked a question on facebook today and it was more than I can answer in a quick facebook way:  "Fellow parents of small children, how do you find the time to do things other than parent and work? We have a small child with us temporarily, for part of the week, and we do all the 'extras' on our days 'off.' But sometime soon we hope to have a full-time child or two."

We knew when we went into this that we would lose some time to do our other things, but honestly, I think I expected to lose more time than we are at this time.  I would say the first 4 weeks feel like you have no time, but after that it starts to relax.  We found our time by creating structure and boundaries.  It feels like you are a big bully and super conservative, but it is worth it.  Some folks may say we are too rigid, but it works for us and our girls respect it.  I think our girls often prefer to be treated like little adults.

Our schedule is set.  We hold to fairly regular meal, snack, walk, bath, and sleep times.  By doing so we have created pockets of time for ourselves.  The girls are in bed by 9:00 and we get up at 7:15 (I magically get them to school around 7:30.  Clothes are laid out the night before.  Hair is done the night before so that the morning only needs a refresh.  When home the meals are at 9:00, 12:00, 4:00 (snack) and 6:00.  There are no other meals.  This has decreased the constant begging for food.  While this was tough with the food insecurity, it is working.  Naps are 2 hours and start between 1 and 2.

During the morning most of the play is on your own.  Afternoon play may be directed.  This allows us to do what we need to do while the girls do what they "need" to.  The afternoon play often is to do some learning with colors, shapes, alphabets, etc.

It is okay to not play with your kids all the time.  We are super lucky that the duo's school really helps them learn self-directed play and keeps them exploring.  This carries over a lot at home.

With this we have learned to listen for key behaviors and we can be in separate rooms, or even floors and know what they are up to.  Having a little trust in them helps a lot.

The first few weeks we didn't let them out of our sight... now the duo knows that I will not be downstairs until after my shower and they are to play calmly and wait for their cereal.

We give each other "adult time" each week.  Away from home and away from the duo.

It is okay to sit on the front porch and visit with the neighbor when the kids are napping.  Nobody wants to be inside all day.  We are also lucky that our neighbors are like family.  So much so that our duo has started referring to their grandma and grandpa as such.

In our house we also keep a focus on keeping the house clean and picked up.  After a meal the dishes are done.  Before going outside the toys are picked up.  We have the duo put their toys faway.  This is dual purpose.  We don't get overwhelmed and we are teaching them how to be respectful of their environment.  Bug actually gets very upset if I start to vacuum and she does not have her little vacuum to help.  I have done my laundry on a routine for several years and I was able to maintain that when the girls came in the house.  I do all laundry on Saturday or Sunday morning... every last bit of it.  There is no searching for items that may be clean or may not.

Hobbies don't have to be hidden from the kids.  It took me a few weeks, but now if I want to play the piano I do so.  The girls may or may not choose to sit with me, but I am doing what I want and they are doing what they want.  I may bust into a little Twinkle Twinkle just for them, but it is a small compromise.

Shopping is done with intention.  Wandering the aisles slowly is not an option.  We can do a full grocery trip in less than 30 minutes.  All grocery shopping must be done after feeding the duo.  Browsing is not an option.

We are working on a few things that will fit in with our hobbies.  Hopefully we will get the duo pedaling their own bikes soon.  That will open up the option for them to bike with us when we run or even a family bike "trip".

So I may have to give up a band or two.  I still managed to throw my 90 year old friend a birthday party, complete with 90 homemade cupcakes.  While I don't ride my cycle every day I have figured out that I can drop the girls at school, return home and get my bike and still be to work on time.  A little bit here and there and it works out.  Sometimes I feel like we are able to do more in a day than before, but Squirrel doesn't think so.

One thing to note is that we have been extremely lucky that our foster agency transports and supervises visits so that is not a time suck (3+ hours a week).  I am also lucky that my colleagues are awesome.