I suppose it would be easier if I just wrote something short every day, but oh well... I haven't.
October 7th is the next court date for the girls' bioparents. As such, our world is now being tossed upside down. After missing 7 weeks of visits we now have had every single visit this week. Three parent visits and one sibling visit. The sibling visit is great. The parent visits are what throw the girls into behavior tailspins. Even Bug's teacher has remarked on how her behavior has been abnormal this week.
Week before last our caseworker finally had a call back from the biomom. A family team meeting was set up, biomom produced her letter stating that she is lice-free and is pretending she is actually doing something so that the next court date doesn't result in a change of goals from reunification to termination. The following day she skipped her visit. We weren't so lucky this week. Up until this week we didn't have a single week where she made all her visits.
When she did finally have her visit she told Sissy that she had been "in the hospital" and Sissy came home feeling sorry for her. I'm not letting those things slide. While I won't tell Sissy the whole story I did tell her the truth. I know that she was not in the hospital. I'm tech-savvy and know the web address to the biomom's facebook page. She is fine... actually posting some pictures of herself in a "Rehab 86" shirt. Not the best image for someone that should be getting her poop in a group. Up until this point we have not told the girls in advance when a visit is happening, but since Sissy thrives on logic and information we laid it all out for her.
"We have been working really hard to try to set up visits with mommy. Her visits are to be Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays, but before the visit mommy is to call and say she will be there. She hasn't been calling" Then on Friday, Sissy asked if they would be seeing mommy and I said no, it is Friday, and it is our taco night... to which she responded "okay" and was unfazed.
This week it seems like Sissy is very unsure of her living situation. Nearly every day we get a hug and she tells us that she likes living here. It is so hard for a three year old to express that she is afraid of going back.
The sibling visit today was good for the girls. I don't like that the 7 year old's family pushes us to find out if we would adopt the girls. We are only 4 months into this journey and reunification is still the goal. Her father asked me today if we would continue sibling visits and I just had to tell him that I don't know, we aren't even near a point of termination of rights. While I think the relationships are important for the girls, I also think that they can pull them backwards too. One of the great things with the visit was that the two teens spent some quality time with us. We weren't super chummy, but we weren't ignored and avoided. They sat at the same picnic tables, we were able to ask about school, we shared the responsibilities of the little ones... they helped put our girls in the car. I wish that it would be safe for us to have them come visit at our house, but with them maintaining electronic contact with their biomom I just can't have them know where our house is. We don't need any surprise visits. That is also why we don't teach our kids our address... we don't need a toddler spouting out the address to the bios at a family visit. They say the darnest things and that would be something they are proud of and would tell everyone. Instead they are good at landmarks. When we drive and walk we ask them what they see and recognize. They can tell where our favorite restaurant is, where I work, where they go to school, and how to get home from the local convenience store.
Let's see what tomorrow brings... I'm not going to place any bets on whether or not the bios will call for their visit.
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