Emotionally Tired

I'm struggling a little right now.  Not overwhelmed, but more tired than usual.

We finished a big push at work and I thought things would slow down before the holidays (and having the girls all day without day care).  Work has slowed down, but now everything else loads on top.

Squirrel's mom took a spill a few weeks ago and has a broken ankle so she is in care right now.  It has been a few weeks and now we have to get ready for when she is sent home.  Her apartment is not wheelchair ready so we need to get some work done over there, but finding the time is the difficult part.  How do you parse through someone else's belongings?  How do you do it with two toddlers in tow?  Maybe that is it!  If we take the girls, maybe we will just fly right through it because we can't take our time.

The holidays bring more action for the girls... so many things we want to do and so many commitments.  Holiday parties for work, the agency, school along with concerts and other things give us so little down time.  I have two concerts this week, however if we travel (see below) I will have to get my music to my fellow players.

Cookies, are you serious you want me to bake cookies for school.  I don't think so.

Oh, and school decided that there would be no school this Thursday, but there will be next week.  Yeah, I'm that parent who already put my vacation in weeks ago.  The school swap is not cool with me.  I honestly would love to pull the girls from the school.  It is the little paperwork crap that is the proverbial straw.  Today I had to send in income verification AGAIN.  The convenience of the school is fantastic and the girls love it, however their office and the guessing game of "what will our bill be this month" make me really question if we will use them again with our next placement.

We then have the emotional roller coaster of the girls no longer looking at reunification being asked for next month.  They will likely go home at some time, just not as quickly as thought.  With that though, visits are hit and miss, the girls know what is supposed to be happening and what isn't and they are becoming very irritable because of it.

Top that off with my grandmother is in hospice.  We thought she would pass this last weekend.  Family was gathered.  Since I knew I would regret not checking... I figured I would ask our caseworker if there was a chance that we could travel with the girls.  It would have been easier had she said no.  I feel as though I am responsible to go and I would regret not going, however it would be so much easier to stay home.

Now here we are... holidays are almost here.  Every other day we play the guessing game if the girls will have a visit or not.  The apartment isn't cleaning itself.  I have a house sitter lined up if we travel.  The travel depends on what days.  There has been no word on my grandmother, but we will just take this all one day at a time.  For now all I can do is make dinner, do the dishes and keep the house tidy as though we will use the house-sitter tomorrow.